I have been on hiatus from Saul for a few weeks, mainly because I've been unsure how to approach the text I'm currently staring at now. I've started, and stopped, and started again, thinking I know what to write and then getting side-tracked or confused. Previously, I posted about the fact that Saul had been crippled by deep insecurities. God had told him he was to be king, but Saul didn't believe it. In fact he hid. And when scoundrels criticized Saul's ability, I think seeds of doubt imbedded themselves deep in Saul's heart, only to reappear later in life.
But this passage is a passage of triumph. . . .
So we've seen the way Saul struggled with his confidence as king. What changed? Two concepts stick out to me. First, Saul was no longer crippled by fear. When Saul was first chosen as king, he hid. Why did he hide? Becaus ehe was afraid. Of what, we don't know. Maybe it was a fear of failure, or a fear of leadership, or a fear of rejection or his future . . . But when he received his first kingly task to defend one of his cities, something miraculous happened. The Spirit of the Lord came on him, and fear turned into anger.
Now, that may not be perceived as a good emotional substitution, but remember that anger was an emotion that was noticeably absent from his early encounter with critics. When the scoundrels suggested that Saul was not good enough to be king, Saul was silent (10:27). He didn't get angry. he should have been angry. That's what a king would do . . . but he didn't. This time, Saul got angry! And the text says "the terror of the Lord fell on the people" (v. 7). Fear no longer fell on Saul. Fear couldn't hold him back. The ones who were afraid now were the people . . . a reverent fear of their leader.
Second, Saul found confidence in a source that went much deeper than himself. After Saul conquered the Ammonites and the people rallied around him, they suggested putting Saul's detractors to death for doubting his ability to lead. But Saul said, "No one will be put to death today, for this day the Lord has rescued Israel" (11:13). He doesn't credit himself for the victory. He says "the Lord" rescued Israel. But ironically, it is at this moment that Saul displays the greatest bit of confidence that he ever shows in his life. It doesn't come from his abilities, or his talent, or his good looks, or his money, or his popularity. His confidence came from God and what HE did, and the belief that God had his back the whole time. God rescued Israel, but he also rescued Saul.
I think that concept may be a significant help when it comes to the subject of insecurities. Our insecurities are those little voices that tell us "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not attractive enough. You're not rich enough. You're not successful enough." And our natural reaction is that we need to take a long look in the mirror like Richard Smalley and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggon it . . . people like me !" And if we do that enough times, we'll start to convince ourselves that it's true. But I think this story kinda flips that thinking on it's head.
Really part of the secret is saying that GOD is good enough, and wise enough for the both of us, and I know he's in my corner. Saul got confident when he let the Spirit of the Lord come on him in power. And that's when Saul's fear left him. That's what happens when we're confident in God's confidence in us. Our fear goes away, and our confidence gets grounded in something firm. It's like 1 John 4:18 when John says, "Perfect love drives out fear." Also, 2 Cor. 10:17-18: Let those who boast, boast in the Lord. For it is not those who commend themselves who are approved, but those whom the Lord commends."
And that to me, is the bedrock truth behind the subject of insecurities. If I'm completely honest, at my most vulnerable moment, do I really believe God is in my corner? See, when I begin wrestling with confidence in a particularly sensitive area in my life, there's a peice of me that believes God is sitting in heaven saying, "Gee Dave. Why don't you shape up? What's the matter with you?" I KNOW it's not true. But I don't always KNOW it's true . . . know what I mean? And that's when my confidence starts to shatter. If I could be convinced like Saul was in that moment, that God was really pulling for me in everything that I did, and he had my back, and he was empowering me, and transforming me and giving me wisdom and grace and showering me with love, I would never be insecure about anything! God's perfect love wouold drive out fear. i'd never hide. I'd always be ready to storm that hill. And sometimes, I do believe that . . . and other times, I slip back into the same routine of self-doubt to which Saul falls as well.
Comments