The Real Saul, Envy

Envy is a principle motivator behind many good stories.  The classic example of the envy/jealousy theme is Shakespear's "Othello The Moor of Venice."  But in order to avoid misrepresenting myself as someone who is more high falutin than I really am, let's put "Othello" aside and talk about the Pixar movie "The Incredibles" instead.  It's a great story about a superhero family.  And interestingly, the villain in the story isn't a person with an even more super super-power than the superheroes (like what happens in alot of superhero stories).  On the contrary, he's a guy named Buddy who invents stuff that's a pretend superpower.  So he has rocket shoes that let him fly and high tech gloves that do fancy things.  The thing is, the reason for the conflict in the story is simply that he's jealous of the superheroes'  superpowers.  We wants to be "super" like them.  Therefore, he's envious of them, and that's where the movie's story comes from.  What we usually never see in these kinds of tales is the distruction that the envy causes for the one who is envious.  We always see the envy leading to conflict and trouble for the story's hero, but we usually never see how the pattern of envy in a person's life can send a person like Buddy spiraling out of control.  There's a saying in Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

In the story of Saul, we get a detailed look at the rotting bone.  In this little series of mine about the life of Saul, we've seen the insecurities that have plagued his life and the destruction it has caused him and those around him.  But at this point in the story, an annoying little prodigy of a brat named David enters the picture, and all of the insecurities within Saul begin to flare like a hemmorhoid.  Immediately, as soon as David comes on the scene, he starts having military success.  He slew Goliath, then he had more success, David quickly rose in the ranks as a military officer.  All of the sudden, Israel was winning their war against the Phillistines.  But on one return trip from a military victory something happened that shook Saul to his core.  Women poored into the streets singing and dancing, and they sang, "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands" (1 Sam. 18:7).

The text says, "This refrain displeased him greatly" (1 Sam. 18:8).  I'd say that's an understatement.

Saul got ticked!  "I'm the king!  I should be getting the credit for 10,000 dead Philistines, not this little punk!"  And it says, "After that time, Saul kept a jealous eye on David."  Now what does that have to do with Saul's insecurities?  Well, remember that Saul's primary insecurity was about his ability as king.  He never believed in his own ability to lead Israel as a political or military leader.  And as those insecurities grew, they started to become more and more real until the point where God eventually removed his favor from Saul and gave it to David.  And now that Saul sees David so effortlessly and confidently do the kingly things that he struggles to do, Saul begins to feel envious.  "Why are the women singing about David and not me?  Why does my son enjoy being around David more than me?  Why do the armies respond to his command more than my own?"

See, I don't know about you, but I don't feel envy over the things that are not somehow attached to my insecurities.   For me, I never get envious when it comes to material things.  If somebody I know gets a nice car or buys a nice home or has nice stuff, that doesn't really affect me because I don't really feel insecure about my income or possessions.  I know what I make and what I don't, what I can afford and what I can't, and I'm pretty comfortable with that.  The stuff I do get envious about is the stuff that's attached to my insecurities.  I'm a single guy and I have no children.  I sometimes feel insecure about that stuff.  So you know when I feel irrationally envious?  When people who are close to me hit major relational milestones - getting married or having babies.  When my mom tells me about all the people she runs into who were in my High School who are married and they're having their eighth baby, I throw up in my mouth alittle.  I'm happy for them, sure.  But I feel some jealousy too.  I hate that I feel that way. . . But I do.

And when I try to put my finger on it, I think it's all about fear.  It's like Saul - The story says, "Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with David and had departed from Saul" (1 Sam. 18:12).  Why was Saul afraid of him?  It wasn't because David was a menacing presence of a man.  It was because somehow, David's success meant that God favored David over him.  See the stuff I'm insecure about, and the stuff I get really envious about, I think at the very core of all of that is the fear that God just doesn't favor me as highly as he does some other people.  I know that's not true.  But I don't think I always KNOW, deep down, on the inside, when nobody's looking, that it's true.  There's a peice of me that always wants to convince me that God just favors my friends who have families just alittle bit higher than he does me.  There's a peice of me that tries to persuade me that God isn't proud of me like he's proud of other ministers and pastors who are more successful.  It's all fear based. 

And that's why the peace that comes by knowing Jesus is the only one that can break the power of envy in my life.  "A heart at PEACE gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones" (Pr. 14:30).  Jesus . . . the perfect shalom.

Lord grant me the peace today to accept what is real and true about me, and to know that you love me with an everlasting love.  I know that perfect love drives out fear, so let me no longer be afraid.  Let me only know you.