Junk Drawer Spirituality

The Real Saul, Your Super-Whatever

You have to imagine how he felt in that moment. 

Saul's entire army is being chased by the Philistines across a large hill.  They're running for their lives.  Saul's gripped by terror, sprinting so fast he's struggling to keep his feet as he attempts to navigate the rocky terrain.  He glances backward only to see all three of his sons cut down by the enemy.  His heart sinks, but he has no time to grieve.  He must keep running.  And suddenly, he feels a slight sting in the small of his back.  At first, it just feels like a bite, but quickly that sting spreads like wildfire throughout his body.  The metallic taste of blood touches his lips.  His body turns limp as he crashes to the turf.  His heart is pounding.  He knows he has to keep moving, but his body won't listen.  He reaches a trembling arm around his side to feel the long shaft of an arrow protruding from his back.  "That's it," he thinks.  "I'm finished." 

The Real Saul, Counterfeit God

We're nearing the end of this study of mine on Saul.  For the past few months I've been taking a look at his story and trying to understand him more deeply as a character and a person by investigating the ways in which his insecurities affected his decisions and the tragedy that became of his life.  Saul was chosen by God to be the king of Israel, the first king of Israel.  But as with all insecurities, there was something inside Saul that made it difficult for him to accept and believe that he was who God said he was.  Though on the outside it may appear that Saul's greatest weakness was pride, his true weakness was his obsession with that internal voice, which eventually led Saul to fulfill the very things about himself he feared.  What we get with Saul is a case study in what can happen when we allow our insecurities to run rampant.

Here's a concept that I want to talk about today:  When our insecurities become the dominant voice in our lives, they often lead us away from a dependency on God's love and toward cheap imitations. 

The Real Saul, Irrational Rage

Have you ever tried the "mentos and coke" experiment?  A few years ago, some genius in the field of physics and junk food discovered that if you add a whole bunch of mentos (you know . . . the fresh maker?) to a 2 liter bottle of any soda (if you live in Texas, "soda" is another word for "coke," a generic term used to describe all carbonated beverages so that beverages such as Dr. Pepper and 7UP aren't confused with those specifically made by the coca-cola company.  Just a primer in Midwestern lingo.) it erupts like a volcano shooting Mr. Pibb 10-15 feet in the air.  Here's the video proof in case you're curious.  Why the talk about mentos and spewing volcanoes of pop?  Because that's the best metaphorical way I can express how absolutely, upside down, crazy pissed I can get sometimes over stupid things.  It's an eruption.  Now, I'm a pretty laid back guy.  I'm not a maniac.  I'm not on prozac or any other medication, and I know I don't need to be.  But I've erupted before.   

The Real Saul, Envy

Envy is a principle motivator behind many good stories.  The classic example of the envy/jealousy theme is Shakespear's "Othello The Moor of Venice."  But in order to avoid misrepresenting myself as someone who is more high falutin than I really am, let's put "Othello" aside and talk about the Pixar movie "The Incredibles" instead.  It's a great story about a superhero family.  And interestingly, the villain in the story isn't a person with an even more super super-power than the superheroes (like what happens in alot of superhero stories).  On the contrary, he's a guy named Buddy who invents stuff that's a pretend superpower.  So he has rocket shoes that let him fly and high tech gloves that do fancy things.  The thing is, the reason for the conflict in the story is simply that he's jealous of the superheroes'  superpowers.  We wants to be "super" like them.  Therefore, he's envious of them, and that's where the movie's story comes from.  What we usually never see in these kinds of tales is the distruction that the envy causes for the one who is envious.  We always see the envy leading to conflict and trouble for the story's hero, but we usually never see how the pattern of envy in a person's life can send a person like Buddy spiraling out of control.  There's a saying in Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

The Real Saul, God's Regret

I mentioned in my last post that I watched a documentary last night about Ted Haggard, the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals and pastor of New Life Fellowship, who was asked to step down from his various positions of influence because of a sex and drug scandal involving a male escort.  I've been thinking more and more about that documentary - the hurt he must feel, the sense of abandonment he's experienced by both his friends and God - and as I approach this section of my study in Saul, I have to say that that documentary probably aided my interpretation.  By the end of this story in Saul's life, we have these ominous words: "And the Lord regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel" (1 Sam. 15:35).

The Real Saul, Control

I was riding shotgun in a tiny, purple, Honda Civic on a cold, icy, and wintery evening.  I was 17 years old, and my girlfriend was driving us to her house.  It was a brand new car.  Very shiny.  She had even custom designed her mudflaps with a picture of the Tasmanian Devil on them for some asinine reason.  She loved her shiny purple Civic.  And that's why she drove white-knuckled that evening, gripping her wheel extra tight.  Even though we were in Texas, we had been hit with a snow and ice-storm that turned all of our roads into . . . well . . . ice.  It was slippery.  It was the kind of evening where you give yourself a few extra minutes to get where you need to go, and you still end up late.  Every nudge in the steering wheel threatened to send your vehicle into a freak tailspin.  Partly because I was an adrenaline junky, and partly because I enjoyed the look of sheer panic on her face, I decided to play a joke on her.  We were in a residential neighborhood with low traffic.  So as she gingerly tried to roll her steering wheel to turn a corner on those icy roads, I reached down with my left hand and pulled up the emergency brake. . .

The Real Saul, Sloppy Pitching

It was a little league baseball game, and I was only 11 years old.  I was not a particularly impressive athlete in any of my childhood sporting endeavors, including my short-lived stint in little league.  I spent most of my time in right field where I endured the boredom of the game by making mounds of grass and dirt, occasionally lifting my head in the off-chance that a ball was actually swatted in my general direction.  I was in little league baseball's "no-man's land."  But occasionally I had the opportunity to make the leap from least on the defensive roster to greatest.  On a few occasions, I was given the opportunity to pitch.  Pitching is the creme de la creme of little league.  And I actually spent some time practicing my pitching between games.  I wanted to pitch. . . badly.

The Real Saul, God in My Corner

I have been on hiatus from Saul for a few weeks, mainly because I've been unsure how to approach the text I'm currently staring at now.  I've started, and stopped, and started again, thinking I know what to write and then getting side-tracked or confused.  Previously, I posted about the fact that Saul had been crippled by deep insecurities.  God had told him he was to be king, but Saul didn't believe it.  In fact he hid.  And when scoundrels criticized Saul's ability, I think seeds of doubt imbedded themselves deep in Saul's heart, only to reappear later in life.

But this passage is a passage of triumph. . . .

The Real Saul, Sticks and Stones

I was in the seventh grade, sitting in art class.  We sat at tables instead of desks, four to each station.  So as I doodled on my art project I was trying to keep up with the conversation happening around me.  See, my older, and much more popular High School-aged brother had visited my Middle School that morning for reasons I can't recall-- some sort of project with a history class-- and his visit became a topic of conversation at my art table that day.  One of the more attractive cheerleaders of my grade, who also sat at my table, felt that it was her duty to inform me that my brother was super-hot, and that "You're not nearly as cool as your brother is." 

The Real Saul, Why We Hide

I remember several occasions on average spring days, my family would drop what we were doing, get up, and hide in a closet.  I grew up in Amarillo,TX, a city that is far from the threat of hurricanes and earthquakes but right in the middle of tornado alley.  Tornado alley is a thin vertical strip of tornado activity hovering over middle America that climatologists say extends from the Texas Panhandle to S. Dakota, and my hometown sat in the center of it.  Often in the springtime, we would have 3 or 4 tornado warnings a week.  I remember hiding.  The sirens would blare.  The television warnings would sound.  And my family would huddle together in a small closet hoping it wouldn't get too close. . .  We'd hear the pounding rain and the gusts of wind.  If it got too close you could hear the sound of a freight train.  But that's why we hid.  We were afraid.

We've been talking about Saul, and the fact that Saul's problem in life was less about his pride and more about his deep insecurities.  The passage we're examining today was, I think, the one that really helped me understand Saul better.  As I've said, I always heard that the reason for Saul's downfall was his pride, but this passage helped  me see a different side of Saul.

The Real Saul, Metamorphosis

There is a process  of transformation that some insects undergo called "metamorphosis."  The most common and documented example is the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly.  A long, larva-like, black and yellow, creature, who inches along the ground munching on leaves . . . an ugly worm-like creature, after a period of time creates a cocoon and morphs into something completely different.  It becomes a beautiful butterfly.  Something ugly, something unimpressive becomes something extraordinary, with unparallelled beauty in the natural world.  It's actually pretty incredible to watch (you can catch a youtube video of a butterfly emerging from it's cocoon here).

I'm facinated by the idea that something could be one thing at one moment and then become something completely different at another.  It's amazing to me.  I think it's even more amazing because sometimes I very strongly wish I could achieve some kind of metamorphosis, myself. . .

The Real Saul, Too Small

I'm continuing my little character study on Saul, taking a look at what made him tick.  And as I've said before, I think Saul's story and eventual downfall were a result of deep rooted insecurities, not necessarily pride and arrogance.  Last time, we looked at Saul's generational history, being a Benjamite, and carrying all of the family baggage that comes with being a Benjamite.  This time we're talking about something similar but alittle closer to Saul's heart. . .

The Real Saul, Generational Baggage

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I am working on a character study of Saul.  Of course, when I say Saul, I don't mean the Saul of the New Testament who also went by "Paul."  I mean the Old Testament Saul from the book of 1 Samuel. . . the one who was king and tried to harpoon David in the thorax more than once.  I've always found Saul to be an interesting person, and lately I've wondered if the source of Saul's eventual downfall as a king and a person wasn't about pride and arrogance as I've often been told, but rather his own personal insecurities.  So let's begin! 

The Real Saul: Introduction

A few days ago, I finished blogging through the book of Second Corinthians, and in the next few days, I'm going to start a new project and conversation.  I'm going to do a character study of Saul from the book of 1 Samuel.  Recently I've thought alot about Saul.  Saul was the first anointed king of Israel, he was the predecessor to David, and a tragic figure in the history of Israel.  He lost his throne to David and spent much of his life as a blood-thirsty villain.  I'd always been taught in seminary that Saul's problem was his extreme hubris (the seminary-ish word for pride), and THAT was the root of Saul's downfall.  He was just too darn proud.

But the last time I read through 1 Samuel, I don't know if it was because of what was happening in my life at the time or because I was looking at the text with fresh eyes, but I started to see Saul differently.